Love is NOT to Live with Someone | Tea Bag Label Wisdom, Episode 4

You can find truth anywhere it seems.  And it’s a pretty relative thing these days. 

Tea Label Wisdom, Love is to live for somebody

What is good for me is my truth; what is good for you is your truth.  And our truths shouldn’t converge upon one another or it’s just a big, messy, offensive truth battle.

What a lie relativism is.

But here in this Tea Label, we can find some truth.  Some objective truth.

First truth: Love is to live for somebody.

Second truth: Love is not to live with somebody.

The first truth is indeed a capital truth, but it’s the second truth I would like to expound upon a bit.

Love is NOT to live with somebody.  

It used to take a sacrament called Marriage for it to then be acceptable to live with someone (that someone being your spouse).  But learning from my parent’s lifestyle and the times as they were, by the time I was of adult age, the mid-1990’s, this “requirement” had grown to be something more of a preference, and most people my age were preferring to not be married before living with someone.  Me included.

Back then (as my children call the “old days”), when I thought I had found love, you know, after a few months of dating, I pursued it.  Because “love is all you need”, the next move was to move-in together.  It’s what I believed was the commitment that would lead to the commitment of marriage. I mean, shacking-up together sure felt a whole lot like marriage.  We wanted to be together, like, all the time.  And, we wanted to share everything with each other.  Now.  So, moving in together made sense; and, it was a lot quicker than having to go through all the planning and waiting for the big day to practice this love thing.  Marriage could go on the back burner for a while. 

This trend used to be a fairly rare occurrence less than a hundred years ago. Census data shows that cohabitation (living together before marriage) has drastically increased, even doubled in the last 15 years.

I wondered, back then, why grandma kept making such a fuss about it all. I was heading in the marriage direction, anyway. Didn’t she get that?

Grandma was a lot wiser, though, than I understood.  

What I didn’t know to be Truth was that acting like you’re married when you’re not actually married is NOT the plan instituted for man and woman.  And for good reason.

For as quick, sometimes, as the move-in took place with all hope and pseudo-commitment, something would always go awry (that’s called life).  My “beloved” and I, and this marriage-like life that we were living, didn’t live up to all I’d dreamed of.  We got frustrated, we let each other down, we weren’t as attractive to each other, we wanted to quit; the “honeymoon” had ended. 

And, because we didn’t take those Sacramental vows that would have made us take our time and contemplate our beliefs and values before entering into marriage, they also weren’t there to hold us together through tough times. 

Therefore, the subsequent break and move-out was quite an easy choice.  But, oh, what a mess. Psychologically, physically, emotionally, spiritually, there was a lot of wreckage.  Believe it or not, I put myself, my family, and, later, one of my children, through this repeatedly. 

For when your truths are culturally relative, it hard to see the real Truth about yourself, others and life.  And I had believed and lived out a lie.

Yes, there are a few exceptions. Yes, a lot of times, because of Grace, things turn out all right. And, yes, because of Sin and Self, the Sacrament of Marriage is broken, a lot. 

Every time, I repeat, every time, persons live together before marriage, and/or have sexual relations before marriage there will be negative consequences of all sorts.  Every time. 

But, I learned this the hard way, through my own experience; there is baggage.

Grandma, she understood the sacrament of marriage, as God intended it to be. And, about not seeking love by living with someone before the fact.

Thanks, Grandma, for the fuss. 


For Grandma’s everywhere, click to share

this wisdom for change!

Love is NOT Living Together | Tea Label Wisdom Episode 4

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